• July 23, 2014

Who you call…

Who you call…

Who you call… 1000 667 taylalynn

Gods plan is not for me to know. This is all I know.

I have been in a recovery process since I was 19. That was the moment I admitted to myself I was an alcoholic.

I did not put down the drink at 19, It was much later.

After destruction and so many sins that without Jesus Christ I have no idea how I could breathe after all the wrong doings.

I can breathe. I have held my breath in the last few years on numerous occasion.

But today, I made a call.

I feel sad and free.

I wrote down where I have been wrong and whom I had hurt.

There is a pattern to my character defects.

I am sad and free.

I wish there was a gentle way to tell everyone I have pushed down or broken since I was a teenager…a gentle way to say-I did that. I hurt you. I was selfish and cruel.

But alas that can’t happen today.

So I made a call. To her. When I put the pen down her face filled my mind. Maybe a year ago it would’ve been my aunt bills face who came to me. But this is not a year ago and I am not the woman I was then. I am new to me. Everything about me is new to me.There is rarely a day a dark thought comes even close to my street, much less my door, and such a rarity to enter I don’t even recall the smell…

I made a call. I cried my tears. And she said “It is good you are sad”…..

I am sad and free. I am a different woman than I have ever been. I pray that this woman inside of me grows…that I can help anyone. That is no lie. The word humility hits my heart right now and I wonder if writing this is taking away the work I did because I tell you. But if I didn’t tell you how can I help?

I am sad and I am free…and that my love makes me happy 🙂

Be blessed

 



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