• October 6, 2016

WhEN tHe BOUGH BrEAks…..

WhEN tHe BOUGH BrEAks…..

WhEN tHe BOUGH BrEAks….. 1000 667 taylalynn

If you do not tell the truth about yourself, you cannot tell it about other people.
 — Virginia Woolf

Before we begin**

My name is Tayla Lynn. I am a performer, writer, wife, mama, Christian and lover of all peeps. I was in a trio Stealing Angels with Caroline Hobby and Jennifer Wayne. I am married to Jon Cody Finger 🙂 This is part of our tale. I begin at the end which becomes the beginning for the real me 🙂 We speak adult language here…

This is a 4 part series and the KICK OFF REOPENING of THURSDAY’s with TURTS at 10am Join us 🙂 Please Share and Comment because we love to walk together 🙂

Y’all ready? The girls and I have never spoken of any of this….

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I dug it back out of the trash. Where the hell is it…I know its positive, I’m late and I am sick.

There it is, hidden in the bottom of the trash can…

Oh. My. Jesus. Two. pink. Lines…

I run to him….“Jon Cody…Jon..wake up”

Groggily, he looks at me. I’m newly his so he looks at me with a thirst still….He devours me at every turn.

His look changes quickly as he recognizes what is in my hand. He knew I had taken the test that morning and it was negative. As the world goes we were kinda bummed it was negative, after all we were head over heels in love and engaged. The relief that floods you when you understand the timing isn’t right outweighs that other rush of sadness though.

I speak with urgency “I am pregnant. You have to run to the store right now and get 58 new tests. I swear there weren’t 2 pink lines this morning! I guess I didn’t wait long enough….”

He smiles that Cody smile and he’s all warm and cozy when he pulls me into his arms and we laugh and cry…He is soooooo excited. I want a baby so badly that I am overcome with love. I say-“go you have to get more tests. I can’t trust just this one.”

He is out the door in 2 mins. Its Thanksgiving night, 11;45pm, by the time he gets to Wal Mart its Black Friday.

He announces to everyone in this exhausting line that he just needs to get one thing-he shows them the test, they all clap, wish him well and let him through 🙂

I sit alone in my childhood bedroom waiting for him to come back. We take 58 new tests and dance all night…We dream with our eyes wide open…


I have to tell them. They were my life until those 2 pink lines and now those lines are more important to me than anyone, anything. I am now a mother. I am a protector.

Radio Play can never measure up to the feeling I have carrying a child.

But my love is big for them, I have lived, breathed, eaten, worked, slept, cried, laughed and sang with them for years now. They are the only family I have built around me. They were my only care for years. Now….in 2 pink lines I know it will all fall into something much different.

 

 

The fear I have of telling them, telling our label, management is so fierce and the shame so bold I can hardly make it through the days. I am 35. I am high risk pregnancy because of my age, I am scared to death that telling them before my first trimester is safe and done that I will kill my child. I will lose this baby. So I lie. I keep this secret. This beautiful thing I have to hide for months. I make bad decisions. I go on the road. I lie. I never tell. I make business decisions that affect our future. I am selfish and wrong. I feel shame all over that period of time where I should’ve felt love. I build this web and then try to untangle myself from it and finally tell the girls. One at a time, then management, then the label. These are my girls, they love me, we cry, we know its over. We just do. To take a little bit off my plate I will say that we were on our 3rd single, a single we hated, we were burnt out, we didn’t know how much fight was in us.  I was ready for something different. Doing another radio tour for a song I hated felt insane and barf. The pregnancy is a huge part of why we broke up but it wasn’t the reason our songs weren’t climbing the charts….

(i mention my age so many times throughout because for me it was a huge factor)

        ****************************************CAROLINE*************************************

                                                                              WRITES

 

Caro says:

I was so angry. Livid. How could she be so selfish. How could she throw our life’s work away, without discussing it with me and Jen. I wouldn’t have been able to see her side if it was a flashing neon light in front of me. I was so mad, and so green. Stealing Angels was the first time I had experienced a taste of magic. I thought that was it for me. My one shot. I would have to become “normal” now. And that was practically a death sentence to me.  Since I was a little girl, I wanted to live a big, bright, adventurous, impactful life. I always dreamed of being someone that everybody knew. I wanted to matter and be important. So now, Tayla just took that away from me.  She’s 35 years old. She knows how not to get pregnant. Why would she chose to get pregnant, and throw our career away because we hit a rough patch?  But somewhere, deep down, I knew. I knnnnew Stealing Angels wasn’t going to be forever…………..

 

 

 

*********************************************** TAYLA TALKS *************************************************

Lets move to month 5 of pregnancy because that’s sort of how I have my timeline.
I’m in the basement of the First Methodist Church in downtown Franklin, TN. I’m wearing a short white dress, I am showing, I am a nervous wreck. I know I am having a boy.

Jon Cody is over the moon, I am over the moon but I am also devastated.

The label will not allow me to tell my news on social media, or go public in any way. They say country music is mostly old school christian and if we wanna keep it together we can’t let them know until April when I am married. What the hell? Are you kidding me. So now I am livid. But remember, I am also soooo not aware that I am throwing myself into the victim role here. I never see the web I am still weaving until much later. I can not remember if I tell the news or not. I truly can’t. The label was just doing what labels do when faced with a “crisis”.

Wally calls us in. He begins “Girls we have a production team who wants to shoot a pilot about whats happening here…..(the pregnancy, the potential break up of the band)

We are happy. There is this chance that whatever is happening here can still keep us together, still keep us moving forward. I want to move forward. I don’t want to be on radio anymore but i want to be with them.

The film crew wants to catch us falling apart, breaking up, them finding a new girl.

We do it, we film this. We put our hurts out there. Its disgusting. It is the most painful thing we could’ve done to ourselves. It ends us. Its too much pain, we scramble. I get married…. they go on to do their lives as well…..

*******************************************CAROLINE SPEAKS*********************************************************

 

I knew I didn’t want that life on the road, where family couldn’t be my priority. I’m from a strong family where the woman is the caretaker.  I like that role. I value that role, and I always knew I wanted to take care of my family first when the time came. I knew I couldn’t be a slave to the record machine forever.  But, thank you Jesus, I am so thankful for the chance to have had Stealing Angels.  It’s a treasure to me. The veil of fame was lifted and I saw human nature for what it is: connected. No one is better or more important than. The goal no longer is fame to me, but now fulfillment and joy. Stealing Angels was one of the most important chapters of my life. And God had PERFECT timing when he shut the door.

 

From one day to the next, About 2 months after Tayla told us she was preggers, we lost our record deal and Stealing Angels broke up. God shut that door fasssst. Our time together was up.

 

After a couple devastating, dramatic months, crying and thinking my life was over, Jen and I got called to be on “The Amazing Race.” We got 4th place and were asked back for All Stars where we got 2nd place. It was life changing. The Amazing Race experience grew and shaped my mind and heart in ways I could never have grown, if I was still in Stealing Angels.  I got to see the world. I was exposed to all types of people and environments, and I got to see that we are all ONE, and the goal is love. Going from Stealing Angels to Amazing Race opened my eyes to the fact that life is never over. When one door slams shut, if you follow your soul with reckless abandon, God will open a window to an even greener pasture.

 

I am now married to the love of my life, Michael Hobby, who is the lead singer of A Thousand Horses.

We have an amazing band family and we travel the country together, experiencing incredible adventures, so my gypsy soul is so happy. I launched a podcast, Hyper Caroline Hobby, that has taken off and has the most incredible, Interesting, inspired, driven people come tell their story. It’s fucking awesome. I also host an Entertainment News Show called Nashville Insider that shares all the latest country music news. I love it. I’ve never felt more excited and passionate about my work. I’m the most content, inspired, grateful, joyful, peaceful, easy-going version of myself that I’ve ever been.  Because I’m in my purpose. And it’s all bc I learned from Stealing Angels falling apart, that something even better falls together if you have blind faith and trust the calling of your heart and follow it, with no fear. So I’m grateful for the way Stealing Angels came to an abrupt stop. It was not a moment too soon, or too late. I have the most amazing memories and that band shaped me in so many ways I’ll never be able to express the importance. Stealing Angels also prepared me for hosting, because I basically was in training camp during the band on learning what makes a good and bad interview, with all the interviews we did! And Stealing Angels is a big reason why I know the most interesting people in the town that I now interview for my Podcast, Hyper Caroline Hobby.

www.carolinehobby.com

 

***************************************** TAY TALKS**************************************

TRU DIAMON FINGER was BORN August 3rd 2012

My baby boy. My life changer. Heaven sent. Literally.
It is a literal blur for 2-3 months. I have no idea that this blur is later diagnosed as Post Pardum. I thought it was just normal to feel grey.

I do however know something is off and I need to talk to a doctor. I make an appt.

She says -Tayla until we can get your ADHD under control we will never be able to figure out the rest.
Have you ever been on Adderall? “yes when I was 19, it worked but as I told you I am a recovering addict and that is a narcotic, I can not take it.”

Its actually not a narcotic she says…BING BING BING….there it is. The moment I decide I will take it, the moment that all the hurt, the tiredness, the more love i can give, I can finally get back to me….This will change everything, what was I thinking-im not sad, I NEED Adderall and it will fix all of it…..

To be continued……..

*******When writing this blog I almost threw up at the site of those pills. I debated on sharing a pic of them…I did it because they have no power today.

 

 

 

 



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