This is what losing your mama looks like round about your first fall without her. When you look around and everything is her. When memories of conversations about the smell of fall come to mind. When you know that first call on your birthday won’t be her. When the lonely aches and your insides peel open into a past so deep with her that the air stings with her scent.
When you lie down and just stare because if you breathe too hard you could erupt and never stop bleeding your pain all over the floor. It’s lonely and it’s alone. It’s cold and it’s heavy. It’s all yours and you can do with it what you will.
This photo is of grief. Of losing my mama. Of being without her on this earth. In this photo I am not learning from the Grief, getting wise or praising God that He took her mama to heaven. (Always loving the Lord-don’t get that twisted)
Not right there. Not in that second. This is a photo of a little girl turned woman crushed at the thought of spending the first fall without her mama.