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addiction

Angels, Unicorns and Baby Jesus Really Do Exist 1024 683 Chase Jennings

Angels, Unicorns and Baby Jesus Really Do Exist

The world has made me vulnerable on purpose, yet at the same time I became a grown-ass woman who suddenly needed to make decisions on her own. (paraphrased by my dead mama mentor, GorgeousInGrey.com)

“Angels and Unicorns and Baby Jesus really do exist.”

My mama called me the other night in my dream. When I answered the phone I continued to say “Mom? Mom?” I was in shock. I was trembling with happiness to her voice. She calmly told me how it isn’t much different there. They all have jobs and she was just chillin’ right then. I could see her on the phone in a cute little house, candles lit, crisp fall day, chili on, people running around outside. That would be heaven for Mama. That sounds like heaven to me. Heaven is my Mamas sweet lullaby, her voice in the kitchen, candles lit, fire in the den, people in and out of the house we love, my kids piled up on my lap, Jon Cody outside chasin’ goats. Memaw on the radio.

Today is her birthday and I fight the guilt. It’s the guilt that rages sometimes in grief. How was I possibly too busy to throw her a 60th Birthday Bash? I told her-If you quit smoking I will do this and that. Who am I to judge her? If you make Mason mind I will let you come out on the road more. That one. That ONE kills me. Literally breaks me into pieces. I can see them. Like last nights’ glitter all over my floor. The guilt of things I did to my Mama. Don’t be that person who says “She wouldn’t want you to feel guilt” Well no shit Glenda but I do so let’s move through it. Work on it. Why did I do what I did? What can I do differently not to feel like this again? Get to the source of the defect. Acknowledge it, change it. DO NOT SIT IN SELF PITY. My Mama made me mad and I made her cry. Nobody loved her more though. I promise you that. NOBODY. Maybe baby bro and sis and auntie but I don’t know. My obsession was big and bountiful and she was so much to me. She still is. As I type she’s wrapped around me in this sweater. I hold tight. My birthday wasn’t really that difficult to get through. I felt and I cried some but I stayed busy. Today I take her things…so many things ..to good will. We slowly keep wrapping up her life. She died exactly 4 months ago. On this day. This night. The 7th or early morning like 1am on the 8th. She should’ve been at my house. She shouldn’t have driven home. But hey I was busy right? I had kids here. I had to leave early. It was an inconvenience I couldn’t deal with. Mama I am going to Canada and you won’t wake up then the kids will be crazy and on and on. So she died. Alone. After driving Granny and Mason home safely. She died right there. Alone. I will feel that guilt and grief for a long time to come. What I did not do. I don’t feel shame because I know God and God won’t let me fall that far into this. But today. Just for today I will feel it all. Most days I only feel it when I see the oink in the sky or Tyminski singing “Numb”. Today I give Mama every piece of energy I have. What’s left over will carry me through the night.

I do not tell you all this for sympathy or to hear “Don’t feel that way” or “go to see a therapist” Y’all I have been in therapy since I was 8 years old. 8! and ongoing for the first 10 years of sobriety, 7 rehabs with intense therapy daily for 30 days or more. I know therapy. THANK GOD I HAVE THE TOOLS TO BE HONEST HERE AND GET IT OUT OF MY HEAD…….TO be SOBER in this walk. TO feel guilt and say dang that hurts but that’s OK BECAUSE I MUST FEEL IT TO MOVE THROUGH IT. FEEL YOUR FEELINGS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Talk about them. We talk about pink hats and politics, we take pictures of pretty wine glasses and babies but when it comes to death and sobriety unless it is some celebrity like Matt Damon we should just not bother with the ugly truth. Today I bother 🙂

ALL. DAY. LONG. HAPPY PRETTY HEAVENLY BIRTHDAY MAMA Cindy Plemons.

Tayla Lynn in Dublin
Lessons From Dublin 1024 841 Chase Jennings

Lessons From Dublin

As I walked the streets of Dublin yesterday I saw beer everywhere. I saw places to spend so much money. I thought (and please hear me) “I’m here. On a different time zone. All alone. I could drink. I could spend this cash. Nobody would know.”

Now that’s the thought of an alcoholic ok? That’s what happens first. Then God and the spirit in you thats done and continues to do the work says, “Oh my God you good Lord Jesus thank you that that is literally the last thing i would ever do today! 🙌🏼 That my intent is to seek history and culture. That my main goal is to find a rock for my husband and a leprechaun 🍀 for my sons”

That’s huge guys. That’s sobriety. True recovery. That feeling i want to hold on to. To grow. To remember when i stumble. The money thing too. Spending. The body obsession. I got out. I ate well, I didn’t spend much and i walked and walked.

This may seem like nothing. Like to a normie they say “of course that’s what you do”. To us sickos that ain’t 😉

A friend i was with said “how do you not drink? Is it hard” It’s not hard because i do the work before I ever step foot here.

—————————————————-

This year Mama works 🎤

Yesterday I said to Memaw, “Thank you for letting me just go around and sing your songs, thank you for supporting me doing that, if you didn’t support me i would never be able to do this, thank you for always supporting me!” She said “that’s all you have to do, go sing the songs, be nice to the people, you’re my baby, I love you Tayla.”

So I’m rejuvenated and ready! Amazing trip here. Just soaking up people and culture has been so fulfilling.

Something I’m doing at this moment in my life — I don’t know if it’s age or it’s being a mama or what….I’m present. I’m in gratitude. I am in constant care. I’m happy. People-2 people-actually said “how do you stay happy? How do you sustain that?”

Gratitude. Period. God first. Prayer first. Everyday. First. And being in thanks. I jump up and down when I’m alone and say “look at where you are girlfriend!”

I thank God and my husband that they want me doing this. I miss those babies….but i don’t worry. I give them to God. I do the work and I’m such a better mama when I’m with them. A much better wife and Finger Farm #fingerfarmer when I’m home ❤💕

Even When You Think You Can’t, You CAN 1000 667 Chase Jennings

Even When You Think You Can’t, You CAN

“You never have to drink again.” That is what one wise woman told me once. And when you’re sitting in the middle of things that are hard, as a recovering alcoholic and drug attic and someone who struggles with eating disorders…spends too much money, and body stuff..the first thing that you go to are the things that are gonna ease the pain. I would have done that in the past.

I’m also a lover of Jesus Christ. I love the Lord. And to just be sitting with him and really be hanging onto the women who show me how to walk in sobriety and listening to that holy spirit guide me and tell me what to. I got sober so I could do that — so I could be a granddaughter, a mom… My little boy was sick and I had to rush home at 6 this morning because I stayed in Nashville to be closer to my grandmother. I got sober to be able to do things like that.

My whole point — and I’ve made 50 videos trying to say it right and I don’t think I ever will (it’s progress not perfection) — so I’ll just say: Anybody who is out there struggling with the bottle or drugs, there are those of us out there who have done it, so you can do it too. Without sobriety, I would have nothing with all that it brings me, along with my connection to God and the love that I feel. Even sadness — I get to cling to something that’s real instead of something that’s going to make me feel like crap about myself at the end of the day.
You can do it. Stay sober. Feel free. Love God and stay close to him. And even in sadness, life is so beautiful. To be able to feel with a pure heart and be of service is so huge. One small video from my front porch in Hurricane Mills won’t convey the feeling that my heart is having so I’ll end it at that.

xo Tayla

Singer and songwriter Tayla Lynn shared a candid post about her struggle with addiction and her road to sobriety. (Photo: Tayla Lynn/Facebook)
Featured on ‘Yahoo! Beauty’ 1000 667 Chase Jennings

Featured on ‘Yahoo! Beauty’

4 years ago yesterday I got sober again. It was the hardest thing I’ve ever been through. After 8 years of sobriety I relapsed for 6 months after taking Vicodin (pain killer) for a c section with this angel. I hold him. I watch the sunrise and silently cry into his hair “I’m so glad I had you Tru. You changed my life just by being you.”

He nestles into my sweater, like he’s done since he was born, and we watch the sunrise. ☀️ That relapse lasted for 6 months and I’m that 6 months I lost everything but when I stepped into my “wise woman” and faced the music 🎶 I got back so much more than I ever had. If you’re struggling with addiction…if you were like me and you are lost and ashamed….it’s ok. You’re ok right now. Tell someone you trust and let’s get you on the road to recovery.

A few hours after writing this post, Yahoo! Beauty published an article on it titled Country Music Star Opens Up About Getting Clean (shoutouts to Amy Capetta!)

Singer and songwriter Tayla Lynn has bravely shared a personal triumph, while bringing awareness to a national epidemic.

The granddaughter of country music legend Loretta Lynn posted on her social media accounts that she is celebrating four years of sobriety — for the second time. “It was the hardest thing I’ve ever been through,” wrote the wife and mother, pictured with her son, Tru…

READ MORE

We are everywhere. I promise. We have you. I thought I was unlovable and I would never get my baby or husband back. I got so much more y’all, so much more.



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