Words run rampant through my mind on the second. Not on the daily babe, but the second. I wanna write everything down, take a note of it all… Then my one year old giggles and is off again and the paper in my head takes flight disintegrating into a million little pieces. I forget what it was that was vital that it must take the ink I need to put to paper….
This morning I remember the back roads of a life that held me like baby.
I feel those roads. I can see every turn in the road, see every memory along each pull off. I can smell the air that only an old driveway leadin back somewhere you better not go unless you gonna be friendly can offer.I can hear you Tennessee. I can feel you Franklin.
What is heaven to me? Riding a horse, while laying my head on his neck feeling the ground vibrate under us, takin that horse into the square of downtown Franklin where all my friends and family would be cause it’s Christmas at the Main Street Festival!!!! Jon and Tru are in a sleigh going round and down Main street with our other kids and loved ones…Currier is painting without a care, Steff is….I smile here, she is holding hands with her mama…Lisa is still hugging Travis, she has a messy bun in her hair without a worry and Iz and Fos are still young and free…Tyler is leading worship with only the passion Tyler can convey, he loves her, he watches her too…but not just watches her…he goes to her. My brother, sister, Mama, brothers, Granny, Memaw, Aunts, uncles…they aren’t at the square, they are all in their favorite places…David with his family, Ang with her kiddos and Daddy…Granny at the flew market…I see Mama with children somewhere…not playing but “giving to them”…With all of her mite…Giving them hugs and gifts of love…I haven’t found the others yet, but they are close…Just close my eyes and I can get to them. That is my heaven.
…..John Greer came to me in a dream last night. He said “I made room for you at Christmas dinner.” I go, I cry, I tell him it was always him. I remember him being there. Being our dad….Even if it was for a short time, he was so nice. Gentle.I tell him that. That wasn’t in heaven, just in a dream last night.
Life is such a book of little notes about things that make us.
Memories that are random and I see often:
Granny pulls up in her green van and Ang has her feet in the windshield. She is maybe 12? She has on stripped socks. I wanna be her.
A trip out west with my Grandaddy, Granny, Mama, Bubby and Ang. We go to someplace where you can put a quarter in and watch a guy saw a woman in half. I bet I spent 2 dollars on that thing. I was 4.
I see me Mama and Roger dancing to Christmas music in our den. I am 17. I knew happiness in that moment, I knew love. I knew we were a family. I knew that I wanted that moment to last forever. I will ask God to put that in my heaven too 😉
I see David showin me he can jump backwards off the diving board and he busted his chin, blood ballooned around his little body. I can’t remember who got him out. I can’t remember anything but watchin them stitch it up. Oooo grody, I won’t ask for that to be in heaven.
I could keep going, but my coffee is wearin off…
So I be endin with this…
I know this in my gut. The south lives within me. When I can’t physically be there I can go there like this anytime. See that’s a lesson I just learned. I never know what I’m gonna say when I start writing to you. I just go.
Merle is singin to me…Its 6:10am. I have a blankie, Christmas lights, coffee and a full heart. I wanna achieve a long sought goal, to discover a new strength, to overcome a challenge, to conceive a new dream or a new life plan for the year..I wanna live life like it’s all little notes for my book of life.
I love you Tennessee.I love you Seattle. In Heaven God puts you 3 miles apart 🙂