Turts’ Stories n Truths

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Sometimes you gotta go get filled up in order to give… 1000 667 taylalynn

Sometimes you gotta go get filled up in order to give…

Yo Peeps,

 I needed to be filled up this morning, instead of pouring out 🙂 

 I am hurting some and don’t want too. I do not like waking up with a heavy heart. Some things happened this weekend that just sort of shook me. More than anything I hate the feeling of a broken heart. Now, please don’t go thinkin that a man is the only one who can break your heart. It’s not true.

  I am so vulnerable right now. It is very easy for me to get hurt. I am not usually like this. I am tough, independent, I always have a way to cope. I don’t feel like that now. I feel like I am breakable, I am easily left with the feeling of abandonment, I judge my outsides so harshly, I analyze every move that is made around me….Regardless if this is hormones, alcoholic mind mess or just being a woman, it is real. Isn’t that always the scariest thing…You tell someone how you feel and there is a defense, a label that can be thrown on the problem. I can get lost in all of that. I think I have cried a thousand times this weekend, But, y’all I don’t want too. I don’t want to try to fix someone I love, I can’t save her, I can’t change him, I can only fix me.

  I get exhausted workin on myself, I really do (a sarcastic smile is on my face, one that would make me punch me). I know the only way to get out of myself is to help someone else. This is on my list today, even though I do not want too, I want everything around me to just be fixed and me to be right and serene. I can see where I am at fault in these situations. My spiritual mentor and I are working on the fact that I don’t set boundaries for myself. SELF-CARE.

Like…For example:

I like to be the cool girlfriend/wife whatever, so I will pretend to be ok with stuff so when I am standing beside him I can hear him brag about how laid back I am. I have always been this way. But I suffer greatly. Why, because I am not standing in my truth.

Another Example:

My mentor and I laugh about this one a lot…

I was 5 months pregnant, exhausted on my gorgeous wedding day in Italy, I had walked a thousand miles and I had to tinkle (it took me 34 seconds to figure out a word for pee) for like an hour….I kept saying “I have to go to the bathroom, but I never stopped our train of people from rolling. Finally my mentor grabbed me and made me stop and go to the bathroom. I know this seems like a silly example, but it is little stuff like that where I won’t  take care of myself.

Now listen this isn’t some self-pity game. I want to learn to be better, say what I really need regardless of if you like me or not. It is bizarre because on so many levels I am balls to the wall and out there, but when it comes to the little things that i think add up to if you really want me….I will be a bit of a puppet. I think the only people I don’t do this with….well it is one person. Wow, yeah one…..Mama. Man, that’s a crazy realization.

Ok, so my point in all this banter (hilarious, I was not gonna even write today, i was gonna just put up the quotes)….my point is, I want out of myself and I wanna chose positive loving things. SO I can change my mind and not dwell on the negative, but I have to do work to do that. This is why I read these quotes, scriptures and hit my knees and go help people. It really works. Ughhhhhhh it is not that easy, no one said it would be, but it is simple. Don’t sit and harp on the bad, look at the good. Get up and go get some fresh air and my goodness, be around people who make you happy and you can do that in return for them. That is my plan…(although I got me a twisted ankle, so I be careful)

Love you. I swear I do!




We can always choose to perceive things differently.
You can focus on what’s wrong in your life,
or you can focus on what’s right.
– Marianne Williamson




We must be proactive in our love
in order for it to change our lives.
– Marianne Williamson



Then I headed on over to see what the doctor had to say….


“We need a qualitative change in our souls as well as a quantitative change in our lives.”
— Martin Luther King, Jr.


Martin Luther King leaning on a lectern. Deuts...


Still feeling not really in the “right” yet I visited my Pastors blog…


“We must ask ourselves, “Am I plugged up?” Do we like to receive mercy from God, but not like to give mercy to others? How quickly do our hearts beat to help the miserable and afflicted? Are our hearts merely angry at the sinful unrighteousness of the world, or do they break for people who are as lost as a ball in high weeds, doing every foul thing? Mercy changes us. When we realize what God’s done for us, we can’t help but give it away, because we want other people to experience it, too.”


-Pastor Steve Berger





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My Mouth is Glue 1000 667 taylalynn

My Mouth is Glue

I am having a difficult time saying what I want to say today. I feel like I have tape over my mouth. I stretch my mouth to say something, to tell you a story and the glue pulls and tangles, not letting me tell you.


I think of David Sedaris. One of my favorite authors. He said at one point people that he wrote about or loved all criticized his work or were horrified he had told the truth.



Jon said last night “When you put yourself out there so honestly, you give people the opportunity to criticize.”

The one thing that makes it easier to put down my story is his total support.

We are a team. If he is on my side, I feel confident.

I have had some people tell me they are worried about this blog, what it will do to my children, how it will affect my life. It makes me think, of course it does. Makes me hurt and question myself. But I know, I swear I know in my gut I am doing the right thing. I want my son to know me, to really know me…I don’t want him sheltered from my truth or past. Granted I ain’t gonna go the PTA and make a speech, but it is his business, I pray it helps him. I broke the chains of my family and the way some of us handle the world when I got sober, I broke it again not too long ago when I started being truly honest. How can that be wrong? For me, for my husband, it can’t be.


Sittin on my front porch, Scott, my cat in a ball in front of me, I can hear the birds sing the most calming song. I am still grateful that I love to hear birds sing. I can recall not so long ago hating the sound. It hurt my head, reminding me that I wasn’t living. Now it is a precious alarm clock.

The tape is still on my mouth. God is in my ear. I am listening Lord. I ask HIM now….What do I say, where do I take this. I want to be of service, I want to make people laugh and feel normal..Where do I take this,,,,,

I let my heart and soul fly through the air, dropping off at different places in my memory. Good and Bad…Amazing family vacations in Florida, when we were all together..Bad trips to Florida when I thought Roger (step dad) might blow the hotel rooms up with anger…Trips to see my dad and memaw in Branson….Thinkin my dad was some God I couldn’t reach, wanting to do anything to have him see me…If I was maybe prettier, could sing, could be just a little louder, maybe he would come see us…Him not seeing me, me clinging to my step dad and crying, wondering why men were so bad, but wanting the bad ones at the same time….that drops me off in memories of my sweet brother, the way he would keep to himself, isolate almost, play video games, tune out hurt…I was so mad at him, I wanted him to hurt with me, but he survived in other ways. I wished I knew how he did that. I drop off again at my Granny’s and we are all out back playing and laughing. Aunt Bill is still there, watching…Always watching..Still watching. I even go by and see her in my mind now, in the clouds, hug her, wish her well. Tell her I know she is holding Tru until I get him.

I am not landing anywhere but the present. Right now, right here with Scott the cat and Dedo the dog whimpering in the back ground because he can hear me type. I love my animules.

Maybe that is Gods message for us today. Stay in the moment. I did pray for grace the other night, begging HIM to let me actually be graceful, to be present, to rest and get prepared for what is next. Sounds like I must have prayed with soul, cause it is working 🙂

Pray with soul and heart. He will answer you.

Signing off,

Dedo, Scott and Turts



I mean, I’m always happy if I have, like, humiliating asshole things that I did. I think: Oh good, that’s a good story. Because if you write about humiliating asshole things other people do it doesn’t work as well. I mean, you can, but you can get away with it better if you talk about what an asshole you are. It’s much easier.

DAVID SEDARIS, January Magazine, June 2000

My hands tend to be full enough dealing with people who hate me for who I am. Concentrate too hard on the millions of people who hate you for what you are and you’re likely to turn into one of those unkempt, sloppy dressers who sag beneath the weight of the two hundred political buttons they wear pinned to their coats and knapsacks.



As I read this blog 4 years later I am sitting right there. Now I have my 4 and 1 year old boys. We have been through so much as a family. We have kept doing the footwork no matter how difficult the day might be.


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Dear, how do you stay thin? 1000 667 taylalynn

Dear, how do you stay thin?

Hi Tayla
I hope all is well and doing good. I have a question about weight it seems like every one in show biz is skinny, now mind you I’m not over weight but I would like to lose 10 lbs just so I look even better so my question  to you is how is everybody staying so slim what types of food do show biz folk eat  for breakfast, lunch and dinner ?
Thanks so much for just being you !
Love and friendship.



Dear Kenny,

Other than right now…..:)

I stay slim by doing cardio at least 6 times a week, counting calories and watching what I eat. I am slightly obsessed though. I weigh in every morning, which makes me insane.

When the girls and I were on the road it was easy to stay accountable. We would eat every meal together and try to stay under 1500 calories.

I find it easiest to keep my weight down when I have a friend to work with 🙂

When I have this baby I will be joining Weight Watchers and doing cardio. This normally is all I would need. Stay tuned to see if it works 🙂





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Dear,The Man Without a Dog 1000 667 taylalynn

Dear,The Man Without a Dog

Dear Turts,

I’ve been wanting my “own” dog for quite some time.  My brother just gave his dog back to his ex girlfriend.  I’ve found this adorable pup named Tonka.

I’ve already decided in my own mind that I could call him “Tonk Tonk!”  He’s a mix between a St. Bernard and a Husky.  OUCH!  I know.
Drool and hair.  Bummer.  He’s so cute I just dont know if I can let my brain decide or my heart.  I mean look at those floppy ears, those adorable lil bluetick like legs and those HUGE FAT PAWS!!!!!  (Pic attached).  HELP ME TURTSSSSSSSSSS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
The Man Without a Dog
Dear Man who seems to have a dog :),
What is the problem? Do you have a small space? Is there enough room for him to grow and play? Do you have time to feed, train and love him? If so GO FOR IT!!!! If not, I would really think twice.
We have a lab puppy who is growing so fast!!!! I notice if we do not work with him daily, spend a lot of time with him and make sure he isn’t eating the trash, he turns into a terror!!!!
Just be really honest with yourself!
This baby dog could be your best friend 🙂
The last thing I would hate to see happen is you getting him and not being able to give him and yourself what you really need.
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Mmmm, Ambien or Chicken Salad 1000 667 taylalynn

Mmmm, Ambien or Chicken Salad

I never knew Chicken salad tasted better with cayenne pepper, people love Hawaiian rolls and that I am still “this” close to a drink/using drugs. Oh , also, Amy Sedaris says something along the lines of “If you are hosting a party, no matter how tired and grouchy you are, be happy when you open and close the door to your guests. You want people to feel welcome and want to come back.

We had an amazing 4th of July where I made this delish, yes i said it, delish, chicken salad and brought Hawaiian rolls to slather em on. Since we was hostin a party out at MarrowBone and I was tired Amy’s advice came to mind…


Sleep doesn’t find me anymore. Tru has taken over my body and kind of my mind, so I just lay awake each night fighting insomnia. I know every pregnant woman complains and I am sure people around me are sick of hearing it, but I it’s my freedom to speak 🙂

So speak I do….to everyone, I just tell everyone my woes these days, including you.

There is a kid kicking my ribs, I have restless syndrome, I cry all the time, if not I am mad, I am soooo tired, I am huge, I want to look sexy, I want to make love to my husband and not think about my belly, I wanna feel cool. That is why when Dr. Staggs asked me today if I wanted to take Ambien, I froze. I wanted it. Never mind the 8 years of sobriety I have under my belt THIS MONTH, July 19th :), never mind that I am about to have a little son to take care of….All I heard was ESCAPE…ESCAPE…ESCAPE….My mind went into overdrive…In 5 seconds I thought-this will make you sleep, make you feel better, make you feel something other than the way you feel now…make you high…mmmm….high….high….high….

I said “I am a drug addict and that is a narcotic, right?” He said, Oh yes I am so sorry I forgot…Let’s not do that.”

I don’t even know whose voice told him that, I was saying YES!!!! but something in me came out of all these years doing my due diligence and said NO!

Listen, to you this may not sound like a big deal, but for me, I used to eat Ambien like candy, not the way normal people do…I am weak right now. I can see my addict all around me…Take something….take something…..you will feel better. He is a haunting cloud of air whirling all around this bed as I type.

BUT! I am fixin to bust a cap in his ARS!!!!

I immediately want to put in my “healthy girl disclaimer” and let my other peeps in recovery know that I immediately called my spiritual mentor and let her know, along with another addict and will also be seeking some fellowship of people like me later tonight. There. See I still have it 🙂

I get a little confused these days…What is my alcoholism and what are the hormones. My good friend Polly the other day said “Ya know the only way to get out of yourself is to help someone else.” That is the most simple, direct, exactly what I need to hear everyday answer. I am so grateful I have people in my life who love, care and let me cry, people who take care of me, people who rub my shoulders and tell me its all ok, but most importantly I am grateful for the ones like Polly who just say basically “Get off your ass and help someone else cry baby!”

I know I can not stand to be around people who NEVER take action and just stay down and make it all about themselves all the time. See now that “SPOT IT YOU GOT IT”…That’s where you see someone doing something and you hate it…why? Cause you probably durin it tur if I had to say. That been my experience.

I will turn it over to God, Tru will come when He come, I will lay in this bed for 3 weeks if I want to, so I don’t hurt and or make anyone wanna blow they head off, I will continue to reach out to other people like me that get it and maybe these ole swirls of darkness will fall out the frame!


SEE!!!! that scary as hellz!!!!!!!


















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Magic Mike made me think too much! 1000 667 taylalynn

Magic Mike made me think too much!

I got home from Magic Mike feelin real bad for them.

All I will say is I got so excited, I mean chills watchin the way these dudes dance, then towards the end it got so sad!!!!! I literally thought about leaving.

Maybe it hit me somewhere where my past showed up.

There is a young kid that gets involved in this lifestyle of sex drugs and rock n roll or strippin 😉

That was me at his age.


I mean, yes I had been a hellion in Franklin as a teenager, but when I moved to Nashville something changed. Going from a small twon where you saw the same people everyday was sort of a safety.


Nashville was different. I knew no one, I had never used Memaws name to get popular or be cool. I don’t even think anyone knew she was my grandmother growing up. It was something I kept very separate.


When I was 19 I moved into town and also started touring with memaw.


I got applause, I got recognition, I ate this up. I told everyone I could about memaw if it would help getting me what I wanted. I am ashamed of this now FOR SURE and am not condoning this behavior. I have said my peace and made apologies for this over the years. This is not something I would ever do today.


I had a fake ID and found a boyfriend 10 years older. I didn’t know what wild was until I started hangin with this crowd. They could get into the clubs, they were the models, photographers and even singers here in Nashville.

It was what I thought I always wanted. It was shiny, crazy, dangerous, fun…It was what I had been searching for.

It truly wasn’t long before I was the wildest one of them all….Buying the bar a round, paying for the drugs, wearing the tightest clothes…Looking back I want to take that little girl and hold her and beg her to slow down.

Mama could see it, see me slipping, I think my friends could too…I was different…Mama used to play that TLC song “Don’t go Chasin Waterfalls” to me all the time. I swear I never really heard it until a few years ago. I didn’t get what she was saying.

I felt this way for the boy in the movie last night. Some of us just have that “thing” in us. It can’t stop when something brings so much fire to our world.

I had to be very careful the last few years when that cool fire came our way a lot. Some of the places we played and things we did were such an adrenaline rush I had to step away and pray. Thank God I found other people just like me that need to do the same thing. My girlfriend Lisa was my saving grace out there. Just simply texting she or my spiritual guru Sue made me feel normal, back to my center.

I love that fire and energy and probably will always chase and need it somehow, but the peace has to be a part of it too. Working on balance is a beeeeeeoooootch!!!!!

But when you like the extremes, ya gotta find that scale. I’m a Libra, isn’t that scale my dad gum sign?!?!?! I’m gonna look that up.

Here it is, I do my research see…DO NOT READ BELOW if you ain’t interested in what the heck a Libra be!!!




Libra is the seventh sign of the zodiac, and itÕs at this point in the zodiac that we start to see a shift. While the first six signs of the zodiac focus on the individual, the last six focus on the individual’s contact with others and with the world. Libras are first and foremost focused on others and how they relate to them. We can call this the sign of Partnership with a capital ‘P’ because these folks do not want to be alone! For a Libra, everything is better if it’s done as a pair. Libras are good when paired up, too, since they epitomize balance, harmony and a sense of fair play. While they are true team players at work, their favorite partnership is at home: marriage. Libras feel most complete when they are coupled up with their lover, forever.

It’s the Scales that symbolize Libra, and just like that balancing mechanism wants to stay even, Libras want to be on an even keel. Think of the Scales of Justice and how they work at striking the right balance. Likewise, Libras are objective, just and want to do what’s best for everyone. It’s possible, though, that this penchant for fairness is for a different reason: Libras abhor conflict. The scales study every possible angle in the hopes of achieving peace and harmony, so much so that others may see them as fickle and indecisive. If that’s what it takes to avoid a confrontation, that’s fine with the Scales. The Libra-born are keen strategists, organizing groups with poise and getting the job done (in keeping with the Cardinal Quality assigned to this sign). Further, you can expect the Scales to be companionable, sociable folks.

Libra is ruled by Venus. In ancient Roman mythology, Venus was a smooth seductress who was at her best amid pleasurable excess. Well, Libras are certainly carrying the torch for her today. The Scales are cultured, refined and love beautiful things. Most of all, they love beautiful people, which is why Libras do so well at cocktail parties or at the theater, opera or ballet. Those born under this sign always have the right thing to say and know how to make others feel comfortable. Suave? You bet. Libras are so adept at charming conversation that they need to be mindful of overstepping their boundaries and appearing vain or gossipy (the Scales do love intrigue). When these folks are on their game, however, they are a pleasure to be with. Libras are artistic, stylish and enjoy creating a beautiful world. The converse of this is that bored Libras can become apathetic and lazy — but they’ll smile anyway.

The element associated with Libra is Air, and that means reaching higher, specifically to the higher mind. Libras like to put their mind to good use, and enjoy communicating their thoughts to others. They like to use their smarts (and talk) to get to know others better — yes, knowledge about people is where it’s at for Libras. You can expect the Scales to make a fair argument, too, since they live by the principles of diplomacy and compromise. When this approach doesn’t work, however, Libras are not above using their persuasive charms to get their way. Manipulative? Nah, Libras really are too nice for that. Plus, any end-runs that these folks use are usually to build themselves up, since the Scales can be easily deterred. Libras are polite and don’t like to fight, far preferring to talk things through. Remember, these folks know how to communicate (they’re Air) so they’re bound to make their point. Libras don’t get in a huff when faced with an opposing viewpoint. Rather, they take a deep breath and consider all the options in the spirit of cooperation.

Libras at play may not be as energized as at work, if you call socializing work (and the Scales do). That’s why exercise for Libras needs to have a social component to it, such as that found at a gym. Alternatively, Libras love the outdoors, so riding and biking can also prove fun. They also love the colors of the sunset sky, that melding of ivory, pink and light blue. In the game of love, Libras are a bundle of energy, romantic and loyal to the core. The Scales need to be on the lookout for their lower backs, though, which tend to shoulder any burdens they may be carrying.

The great strength of the Libra-born is their quest for fairness, peace and harmony. That the Scales are the great diplomats of the zodiac further helps their case. A beautiful journey this will be, thanks to the Libra’s inimitable sense of style.

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I was asked to be her son’s God Mother…. 1000 667 taylalynn

I was asked to be her son’s God Mother….

She was standing behind a door hiding. She was immediately nice to me and told me to come hide with her. My memory tells me we were upstairs at WONDERLAND on Columbia Ave. It was an old antebellum home turned into our daycare. She had 2 little pigtails holding just the top of her hair back and down the center of her hair was a white stripe.

I would later learn this is a birth mark. It was my first day at day care and I was scared! I think we were about 4? We don’t really recall now 🙂 We old. Her name was Stephanie and we have been inseparable since.

We spent the next years kinda raisin ourselves in a way, me more than Steff. She has her a real good mama and daddy, they are my second parents, JUDY AND WAYNE!

We took every spring break and summer vacation together. We lived at each others houses, spent every weekend either watchin Heathers, Pretty Woman, Aerosmith videos, sneakin cigarettes, Steff stealin her daddys car, us sneakin boys in, eatin Party Pizzas and Doritos, swimming at Grannys, creeks, takin our first drink together, we thought we were dinosaurs and Brandy my sister was the jolly green Giant one night when maybe something fell accidentally into our drinks….

Cover of "Pretty Woman [Blu-ray]"






Cover of "Heathers - 20th High School Reu...

I can remember when we were in the 7th grade and I had become best friends with our bestie Currier. Now since Currier and I went off to the private school (who knows how I got in) we rode home together, but since Steffy was still my bestie we picked her up and took her home too. I was a little mean to Steffy for a minute, that wasn’t nice, she took me back real fast, she told me I wasn’t none to nice and she wasn’t havin it! She is one to tell you like it is!

I lived in the trailer with the donkey and cable TV at the time, so we always ended up there every weekend. It was funny to watch Currier and Steff get close. They still act today like they did then. I do not know how to explain it..They are the very best of friends but they have this little bickering thing they do that I love to just witness. That is probably how it became so engrained in us, I provoked the fights. That sad kinda hahahhaha NOT REALLY!

So the 3 of us kind of did this trio thang for the rest of our lives, until I became a raging addict and they just couldn’t watch anymore. They detached with love and came back as soon as I got clean.

I know I am all over the place. It is because when you are talking about someone you have known for 30 years, there are so many memories that flood you….

The love that fills you is intoxicating…

Steffy is just one of those girls you know will be with you forever. The same goes for my other best friends too…We have all been so close since we were so young, Currier, Lisa, Nicole, Sara Beth, Jodi…and our boys too, Michael, Trav, John and Matt…We will just always be in each others lives…

So to wrap up a little on Steffy I just have a few words…

The past is the past with her and she moves on.

Steff was one of the first people I made amends to when I got sober. I had taken so much from her. Physically mentally, spiritually and even stole her coin jar (which we now can laugh about) THANK GOD!

She forgave me without so much as a blink and when I asked her what I could do to repay her or make it right, she just said, stay sober, be my friend. That’s Steff ya get it?

Ooooooooo now she love her husband son!!!!!!

Steff called me almost 2 years ago now and asked me to be her sons God Mother. After the thieving, lying, addicted, crazy woman I had been she asked me. She doesn’t see that part of me. She only sees the good parts. That is kind of her thing. She picks the good parts of people. Her mama, Judy is a lot like that 🙂

I will never forget our conversation about being Nash’s God mother, the way we both wept, what it meant, us both knowing what it really meant, her telling me to just be me and that was what she wanted in Nash’s God mother…For me to just lead him when he has questions or problems, to be honest with him.

I have this bond with Nash I can not explain. I see him and I feel like he is a part of me. I get him. I would do anything for him.

I am proud to be his God mother. It is an honor that I pray I do well 🙂

I love you Stephanie Potts.




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LET’S VOTE! 1000 667 taylalynn




LULU for Cindy Lou

AUNT CYN (cause my little niece and nephew call her that anyway)




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Tru’s God Mother and Father 1000 667 taylalynn

Tru’s God Mother and Father


I hang out with this chick. She is all kinds of laid back and at the same time it has taken me more than 20 years to learn all her little idiosyncrasies…She that deep see 🙂

id·i·o·syn·cra·sy  (d-sngkr-s)n. pl. id·i·o·syn·cra·sies

1. A structural or behavioral characteristic peculiar to an individual or group.
2. A physiological or temperamental peculiarity.

She married her high school sweetheart, one of my still very best friends, Travis. A gorgeous redhead who makes me feel calm just by breathing his same air.


They have 2 of my fav kiddos in the world, Iz and Fos.  (Isabelle and Foster, 4 and 10)

If you know me at all you know exactly who the Ehrie’s are…We be spotted together all over town often. It has been wonderful because Jon Cody and Trav have really gotten tight too. Trav helped us move everything we own about a month ago. eeeekkkk.


We chose them to be Tru’s God parents because:

We felt like if anything ever happened to us, we want our kids to have the same exact influence their kids do. Lis and Trav are very forthcoming and honest with the kids. Open and real. They tell them like it is but with the gentleness you would expect to be used on children. We admire the way they do this. We will take pieces of their parenting and use this with Tru.

I will be honest here and tell you I can’t speak a lot for the guys here, because we don’t normally sit and talk about religion with them on dinner dates. What I can tell you is, is that I love Lisa’s God. It is the same as mine. Loving, kind, tolerant, has a wonderful sense of humor, caring, can handle anything I throw HIS way..I could go on all day. We just have the same spiritual path and deal with our “issues” in a very similar way. This is why I chose her 🙂

All of this to SAY!!!!!!

She has an EXHIBIT coming up!!!! Yes she is a photographer!!!!

Thirteen Photography

Friday, July 6, 2012
6:00 PM – 9:00 PM

Gregg & Rains Building Group
202 Fifth Avenue South
Franklin TN 37064

PLEASE Also check out her work and let me know what ya think!!!!


I am bad at makin these websites work, if the link fails it is simply…



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