There is that moment when the water breaks through….
When you wake up. When a smile crosses your lips and you want to run to someone and say “Oh I see!!”.
Y’all I sit at the waters edge this Thanksgiving morning in the Bahamas.
Everyone is still sleeping. I have been feeling weird ever since we landed. Queasy, achy, nervous because I am always nervous when there is a beach and booze and I am the only sober one…Protected but-I go through these questions.
1. when will i start feeling alone
2. how long can I remain cool like I’m just real cool and i don’t care that I don’t get to feel relaxed and different LIKE EVERYONE ELSE ON THE BEACH!
3. Am I in the mood for drunk on sober sex? (when he reads this he may stab me)
I feel these. I answer these questions. Yeah right, I am not God so I have NO idea. THAT!!! That is why I wake at dawn, grab a mat, come to the edge of the water and ask God to wash it all away. For HIM to show me how I can be helpful today. To remove this feeling of sickness that is on my body. To show me how to love my husband so well that these next few days are memories we take with us forever.
What happens when I do this. What will happen when you do this babies….the wind blows softly across your cheeks, God is whispering gently to you honey….He is showing you your sweet spot. I hear the waves I see turquoise sky and it rains down to me….You have changed. You have grown.
I pick this blog up back up on the Saturday after Thanksgiving…..
I rolled up the mat. I brushed off that sand. I thanked God that I know I always have HIM. I snuggled in bed with my husband. We kiss. We head to adventure. I let go of expectation and the fear of what is around the corner. I just exist and stay present. I live in that moment. Its peaceful there.
I continue to do this and the blessings keep coming. I weep the next morning as God reveals more to me at the waters edge. I meditate and pray with the Lord. I cleanse and repeat. I stay open and I keep being present.
I DO FEEL LIKE I HAVE TO ADD THIS FOR LOYAL READERS::::
After what you read from my husband a few weeks ago I want you to know that has been a hard process to go through. The shame. I felt all of it again. I didn’t realize some of his feelings. It was a great gift to our marriage. Writing always is.
I’m so grateful he could write that.
As I sit in this moment I know I am free, light and love. Our marriage is free, full of light and love.
I treat my husband and family with love and respect. That is a HUGE step for a little rebel like me.
Our marriage is full of love. And THAT is just for TODAY. We all have to work at that EVERYDAY.
I write to you today babies….because #itkeepsmesober